My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
