I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
