I need to stop coming to work sober
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
