im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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