Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
