um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
