I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
