I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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