Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
