I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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