At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
