At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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