coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
