oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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