Umm I'm too high to move.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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