I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize