They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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