I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
