I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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