ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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