We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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