...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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