The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
