Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
