I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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