no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
