I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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