so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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