Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
