He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She needs sedatives and a leash
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
