my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
