I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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