JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
