The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
