So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
