you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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