she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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