weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
