I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
