Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
