i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
