I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
