Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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