You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
