You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
