Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm sobbing to NWA
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
