my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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