i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize