so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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