You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
