my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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