he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
