And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
