Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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