So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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