I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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