she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
