ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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