Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
