I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
