she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize