Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
