I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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