things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
