This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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