Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the condom got lost in my hair
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need a beard to bite.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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