Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm both gender and math confused
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
