It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
