its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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