Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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