Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
