Jerry, you need to find god
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
