saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
