Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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