Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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