Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
