Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
