Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
